Kenny The Bartender's Tee Emporium

There are really, really good dogs out there who just need a chance.

Rubber duckie, you're the one. Also, why is that duckie shedding feathers when he's made of rubber? One of life's mysteries...

Is it okay to lust after bacon? 'Asking for a friend...

Bacon can and will solve ALL of your problems. Have no fear, Bacon is here!

I can spell and I think dogs have been hiding a secret for thousands of years...

I love pizza for breakfast, lunch & dinner. I love pizza in all shapes, forms & flavors. I'm a Certified Pizza Weirdough...

We love dogs. All shapes. All sizes. All colors. Dogs rule!

Save a life. Adopt a T-Rex today. The life you save may be your own. Unless you're eaten...

If you can't remember the party, it was probably really good. Maybe some day, you'll see some photos...

Why put off putting off what you could put off today, right?

I dream of being a selfie photographer. I can picture myself doing it...

I'm reading a book on evolution. The beginning wasn't great but it's getting better over time...

What kind of bird always forgets the words to songs?

We know UFOs don't visit Chicago for the sports teams, so it must be the pizza...

I'm from Chicago and the pizza is magnificent. The sports teams? 'Not so much...

Santa is gonna play some music on a boombox underneath your window this Christmas...

He sees you when you're lifting. He knows when you gain weight...

UFOs have landed and aliens are among us. I believe many of them are working at the post office...

Santa is comin' to town & all he wants are your cookies. Merry Christmas!

Golden Retrievers can do anything. 'Just make sure they don't eat the football...

Whether it's been a good day or a bad day, sometimes you just need to get snugly. Grab your teddy bear and your blanket!

Have you been naughty this year? Santa has a HUGE selection of coal waiting for you. Merry Christmas!

A cucumber becomes a pickle by going through a jarring experience...

I was going to tell a gravity joke but I knew you wouldn't fall for it...

If you love comedy, you'll love Grumpy Dingo Radio and this official design.

You say you don't understand money or computers? Welcome to the world of crypto!

Ready for your next out of this world vacation? Contact Roswell Travel!

The Martini Force is an elite group of cocktail aficionados armed with swizzle sticks and blurry vision. Join us!

Remember, no matter how bad it gets out there, Mister Martini is always here for you.

It's simple and tasty math.

You have no time or patience for the daytime. You're a Night Owl and you rule the night with your intelligence, stamina & creativity. Hoo!

A donkey with a diploma is a smart ass.

Some of us have a sarcasm function that is permanently locked in the "on" position. Oh and we're all really upset about it...

It's important to let people know what they mean to you, right?

Hey, it's a wonderful feeling to know you're safe from Zombies...

I believe the Earth is round. It is spherical. We do not live on a pancake. Although, I do love maple syrup...