Kenny The Bartender's Tee Emporium

You never know what you're going to dig up. You just need to know where...

It's all in your genes and yes, they do make you look fat...

Hollywood is skin-deep. Skin that's full of Botox and plastic surgery scars...

Your dog knows what you're up to. Your dog is very familiar with your little scam of breaking the treats in half...

If you love Rock 'N Roll, then you know. Disco still sucks...

It could be we're all part of an intergalactic marble game... Make Earth Day every day!

Money paid to someone to prevent them from disclosing embarrassing or discreditable information.

New York is the city that never sleeps and it's filled with endless possibilities...

An expression of surprise in response to a positive occurrence, perhaps one thought to be unlikely. No way!

I went to a bar yesterday that didn't play any 70s music. At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

Chicago is the "Second City", "The Windy City" and most importantly the "City Of Big Shoulders."

Bigfoot can never find shoes in his size and he's very sensitive about it.

There are so many conspiracy theories to believe in, why pick just one? From Bigfoot, ghosts and aliens, to the Illuminati, Loch Ness Monster and Santa!

What do you call a constipated Sherlock Holmes? Exactly...

What does a bee get after drinking beer? Buzzed...

My doctor says I have a gambling problem. I asked if there was a cure and he said "No Dice"...

It just so happens that bad bowling puns are right up my alley...

Lobsters don't share. Lobsters are shellfish. Pass the butter...

Look, it's a big steaming pile. No Sh!T!

The voices in your head are a bad podcast and you can't unsubscribe...

When something is exceedingly obvious or apparent? No duh.

Why cause trouble if you don't need to? Let the sleeping demon sleep...

We're not Boomers and we're not Millennials. We were born between 1965 and 1980 and we get things done all by ourselves because that's how we were raised.

Lack of garbage. Lack of manure. There are many reasons for a fly to be down. It's just sad...

Life really is a mixtape. Just have a pencil ready, in case it unspools...

Hey gardeners, don't forget to wet your plants.

UFOs are here because aliens need us for their protein shakes...

Everybody is fighting something very powerful. Something that's tormenting and controlling. For me, it's cheese balls...

Whiskey inspires dancing around in your underwear to Bob Seger songs. Or so I have read...

You can pick your friend's brain but you can't pick your friend's nose...

Bacon is universally loved and that's especially true on Mars...

Get your motor running and head out on the highway. Even if you're an ear of corn...

Everybody has their own version of an "energy drink." May your martini always be powerful. Cheers!

The once mighty dinosaurs are now making your engine roar. That makes your vehicle's exhaust a dinosaur fart...

A bright view of the world? Sunshine on a cloudy day? The forecast calls for whiskey. Cheers!

Dogs will always tell you the truth. And lick your face...