Kenny The Bartender's Tee Emporium

An expression of surprise in response to a positive occurrence, perhaps one thought to be unlikely. No way!

I went to a bar yesterday that didn't play any 70s music. At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

Bigfoot can never find shoes in his size and he's very sensitive about it.

There are so many conspiracy theories to believe in, why pick just one? From Bigfoot, ghosts and aliens, to the Illuminati, Loch Ness Monster and Santa!

What does a bee get after drinking beer? Buzzed...

My doctor says I have a gambling problem. I asked if there was a cure and he said "No Dice"...

It just so happens that bad bowling puns are right up my alley...

Lobsters don't share. Lobsters are shellfish. Pass the butter...

The voices in your head are a bad podcast and you can't unsubscribe...

When something is exceedingly obvious or apparent? No duh.

Why cause trouble if you don't need to? Let the sleeping demon sleep...

We're not Boomers and we're not Millennials. We were born between 1965 and 1980 and we get things done all by ourselves because that's how we were raised.

Lack of garbage. Lack of manure. There are many reasons for a fly to be down. It's just sad...

Life really is a mixtape. Just have a pencil ready, in case it unspools...

Hey gardeners, don't forget to wet your plants.

UFOs are here because aliens need us for their protein shakes...

Everybody is fighting something very powerful. Something that's tormenting and controlling. For me, it's cheese balls...

Whiskey inspires dancing around in your underwear to Bob Seger songs. Or so I have read...

You can pick your friend's brain but you can't pick your friend's nose...

Bacon is universally loved and that's especially true on Mars...

Get your motor running and head out on the highway. Even if you're an ear of corn...

Everybody has their own version of an "energy drink." May your martini always be powerful. Cheers!

The once mighty dinosaurs are now making your engine roar. That makes your vehicle's exhaust a dinosaur fart...

Dogs will always tell you the truth. And lick your face...

I think this 'Miss Universe' contest is rigged. Every one of the contestants is from Earth. Seriously though, you're not the center of the Universe. 'Sorry...

'Got a problem? Let beer solve it. Beer fixes everything!

I have a bone to pick with anyone who thinks orthopedic health is a laughing matter...

A very wise bartender once said, "Life is brew-tiful when you have a cocktail in hand." Cheers!

Cucumber is one vegetable that is always in a pickle. It's a dill-emma...

Cats are cool and they know they're cool. Meow!

In Pickleball World, a dink shot is a soft shot that falls into your opponent’s “kitchen”. That's why you should always dink responsibly...

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull dozer...

Pickleball skills are all in the “dill-ivery”. Believe me. I'm not gherkin around...

I received a flier on anger management the other day. I lost it.. Now I just chill.

How did the hipster burn his hand? He changed a lightbulb before it was cool...

My favorite thing about salads is they never lettuce down...