Kenny The Bartender's Tee Emporium

Save a life. Adopt a T-Rex today. The life you save may be your own. Unless you're eaten...

If you can't remember the party, it was probably really good. Maybe some day, you'll see some photos...

Why put off putting off what you could put off today, right?

I dream of being a selfie photographer. I can picture myself doing it...

I'm reading a book on evolution. The beginning wasn't great but it's getting better over time...

What kind of bird always forgets the words to songs?

We know UFOs don't visit Chicago for the sports teams, so it must be the pizza...

I'm from Chicago and the pizza is magnificent. The sports teams? 'Not so much...

Santa is gonna play some music on a boombox underneath your window this Christmas...

He sees you when you're lifting. He knows when you gain weight...

UFOs have landed and aliens are among us. I believe many of them are working at the post office...

Santa is comin' to town & all he wants are your cookies. Merry Christmas!

Golden Retrievers can do anything. 'Just make sure they don't eat the football...

Whether it's been a good day or a bad day, sometimes you just need to get snugly. Grab your teddy bear and your blanket!

Have you been naughty this year? Santa has a HUGE selection of coal waiting for you. Merry Christmas!

A cucumber becomes a pickle by going through a jarring experience...

I was going to tell a gravity joke but I knew you wouldn't fall for it...

If you love comedy, you'll love Grumpy Dingo Radio and this official design.

You say you don't understand money or computers? Welcome to the world of crypto!

Ready for your next out of this world vacation? Contact Roswell Travel!

The Martini Force is an elite group of cocktail aficionados armed with swizzle sticks and blurry vision. Join us!

Remember, no matter how bad it gets out there, Mister Martini is always here for you.

It's simple and tasty math.

You have no time or patience for the daytime. You're a Night Owl and you rule the night with your intelligence, stamina & creativity. Hoo!

Some of us have a sarcasm function that is permanently locked in the "on" position. Oh and we're all really upset about it...

It's important to let people know what they mean to you, right?

Hey, it's a wonderful feeling to know you're safe from Zombies...

I believe the Earth is round. It is spherical. We do not live on a pancake. Although, I do love maple syrup...

I always feel like somebody's watchin' me...

You didn't see a spaceship. You saw swamp gas. Okay? Now, go back to sleep...

The 1947 UFO crash in Roswell, New Mexico was more of a tourism incident, right?

You didn't see a spaceship. You saw a weather balloon. Okay? Now, go back to sleep...

Death is coming for all of us. So instead, I like to think about cute baby chickens!!

If you've ever lost your keys, you know what a drag it can be. This handy design should help, no matter where you are.

Dead batteries are free of charge. Literally & figuratively. Of course, there are positives and negatives...

It's important to give yourself a reality check every now and then.