Kenny The Bartender's Tee Emporium

What do you call a constipated Sherlock Holmes? Exactly...

Look, it's a big steaming pile. No Sh!T!

The voices in your head are a bad podcast and you can't unsubscribe...

When something is exceedingly obvious or apparent? No duh.

I think this 'Miss Universe' contest is rigged. Every one of the contestants is from Earth. Seriously though, you're not the center of the Universe. 'Sorry...

It's important to keep a can of Whoop Ass in the pantry, ready to go, just in case...

If you think opening a can of worms is complicated, unpleasant or difficult, just wait 'til you open a can of wormholes...

It's always good to know your limitations...

My wife is tired of me wearing a different t-shirt every hour. But I know I can change...

Space is the final frontier. Space is also elbow room. We all want space.

Dogs love snow. Snowman-dogs REALLY love snow. Woof!

Have you watched the news lately? Everything is FUBAR...

Why did the chicken cross the road? Maybe you should just mind your own business...

It's horrible to watch good cereal go bad...

My swear jar actually swears, so it's always filled up...

If you ever wait on a cow, you'll discover they're generous tippers. They really like to throw dough around!

If you happen upon a folk singer during a toga party, feel free to smash his guitar...

Get ready for bug season with an elite group of renegade "swatters"!

Not everything is rocket science. Thankfully...

What would I do without Florida stories in the news? Love it or not, there's heat, humidity and that "anything goes" attitude, right?

The brain seems to think it's the boss. Who decided that?

What a drag it is getting old. Here's a little ditty about adulthood...

Make sure you have the right tool for the right job.

We all speak the language of nacho cheese, right?

Don't become the main course at a shark buffet...

Loud noises coming from your car? Just turn up the radio...

Don't sweat your bucket list. Sometimes, it's more important to compile a different kind of list...

A donkey with a diploma is a smart ass.

Some of us have a sarcasm function that is permanently locked in the "on" position. Oh and we're all really upset about it...

It's important to let people know what they mean to you, right?

Make your inner badass an outer bad ass...

Finding a restroom is often the "final frontier" when you're out and about. Good luck with your voyages and may you always "boldly go".

If you're on the "F Bomb Squad", is your job to diffuse them or drop them? The choice is yours...

Your hair looks fabulous. Enough to join a stupid little club. Plus your neck is safe and warm thanks to a magnificent haircut!

Bright ideas and low wattage don't go together. 'Just sayin'...

If you've lost your marbles, join the club and get this design!